Monday, June 13, 2011

You Might Be A Redneck If . . .

I realized something a little disturbing a minute ago. While I was listening to a country song about a trucker. You see, country music is pretty much the staple music for rednecks, and I have always been a country music fan. More so the stuff from the 90's to now, but still. So, I'm listening to this song about a trucker, and my husband is a trucker, and I'm thinking to myself, "Ha, kinda makes us a little redneck-ish."

And then I considered something.

Here's some info I know about rednecks. They live in the country, you know, rural areas. They own horses, and the smell of manure in the morning is like a breath of fresh air. Hand-me-downs are almost as good as shopping at Walmart, which is the mecca of a redneck when there is one in the area. Rednecks love country music, play guitars, drive pickup trucks, and eat fried chicken. A lot of rednecks are truckers. Sometimes their family tree is a little bit . . . skewompus.

So . . . for a good portion of my life I lived in an apartment building next to a field, in which there lived horses, in a smallish town that always seemed really Mayberry to me. I even rode one of the horses once when the neighbor kids and I jumped the fence. The smell of manure, to this day, is still a bit homey to me. I'm very careful when walking through tall grass to avoid cowpies and other treasures that might be hiding in the grass.

I love hand-me-downs, and my mom and sisters and I play the pass-along game very well. My daughter, for her whole life, has been wearing some of the same outfits I wore when I as a baby and toddler, and I always pass on my nice clothes that don't fit me anymore to my sisters who are all smaller than me.

I also love shopping at Walmart, that is like my favorite store ever. I am hard on clothes, especially shirts and jeans, so I can't afford to spend half a paycheck on a new pair of pants every six months. $20 jeans at Walmart, come to mama! And $4 t-shirts? I'm so there! I also know where to find all the food stuff at Walmart, especially the snack aisle.

I LOVE country music, it is by far my favorite music genre ever. I love most kinds of music, with the exception of rap, most hip-hop, most jazz, and soul and stuff (I never grew up with it), but country is my music. Love it, love it, love it. I also play guitar, and someday I want to have my own pickup truck that makes the other little four door sedans on the road look little and scared. I also want a nice little car with amazing gas mileage, but my heart's desire is a really big pickup truck. And I love fried chicken, KFC is one of my favorite restaurants.

This is practically irrelevant, but I have a cowboy hat too. It's my favorite hat. And I recently bought cowboy boots that match it.

My husband became a trucker at the beginning of this year, completely with the insane facial hair and one arm tan, the other not. It took a lot of self-control not to pin him down, sit on his chest, and take a razor to his face and scalp. It was long enough that you could almost pull it into a ponytail in the back.

And as far as my family tree goes, my psycho uncle was once married to my sister-in-law (big disaster, don't ask), meaning my uncle was my brother-in-law, my sister-in-law was my aunt, my mom was my sister-in-law's sister-in-law, and my husband was his sister's nephew-in-law.

Now, I've always considered myself a country girl at heart, but holy cheese balls.


Saturday, June 11, 2011

Technology is Winning . . .

You know what one of the best things in the world is? When you can go back and read something you've written and and still find it funny. Bonus points if you actually laugh, which I did. If nothing else, I have the consolation that I can occasionally be a funny person, and luckily I get it in writing sometimes.

So . . . guess what. No, I'm not pregnant. No, I don't have a present for you. No, you cannot have my candy bar. Any more guesses? Anyone? Ok, so . . . I got a new phone. And I am unsure how I'm feeling about it. Because it's an Android, a Samsung Continuum, if we're being specific, and I've never had an Android before. I've never had the desire for one, because the things always looked WAY too complicated. I need a phone that calls, texts, and takes pictures. Yeah, that's pretty much it. I don't need it to be able to transform into any kind of gadget you can imagine, send lasers to the moon, or predict my mood. I'm fairly sure the first two are pretty useless and the third one I'm starting to get really good at doing all by myself.

So why did I get one? Well, I didn't want to. It was a battle, and Pete's been trying to talk me into getting one for at least a month. I was steadfastly refusing. The only reason I got one is because the selection for normal phones is pisspoor now that Androids have hit the scene. Beware old people, normal phones are phasing out. And sadly, I'd rather have to figure out this contraption in my pocket than deal with a crappy phone for the next 22 months. Or however long I have until I can upgrade.

I now have a phone that can predict my mood based on a scan of my thumb, has a selection of at least 4 different flashlights, pretends to be a pad of sticky notes, and makes a beeping sounds just like the Wii when I get a text message. I think I'm getting the hang of the texting, and I do have a few apps I really enjoy. One is jokes. The other is music. Another one is wallpapers that I collect like a homeless man collects spare change. All in all, I think I'm getting used to it, and bonus points because I'm getting a really awesome cover for it! PURPLE HARRY POTTER STYLE CHECKS, OMG!!!

Anywho, how's life? I haven't posted anything for like a month, I feel bad. I could have jotted down all manner of Sammy shenanigans, I'm sure. But I've been busy and never have anything to talk about when I actually remember I have a blog. Bearing in mind the danger that I might be repeating myself, it's like every time I've tried to keep a diary. I do great . . . for two days. And then cast the poor thing aside for up to a year or more and then when I need to have a massive venting session, guess who gets hired for the occasion? Long lost diary! Don't worry, though. Blog is not diary, will not vent on blog. Unless there is a really funny punchline.

Ooh, ooh, I have one other thing to tell about. StumbleUpon. It is amazing. It is a website you go to ( and you sign up for free, and you select the categories that interest you. And then, you click the Stumble button, and it takes you to a random page of the internet based on what categories you like!!! IT'S FRICKING AWESOME!!! Never has it been so easy to waste an hour doing something completely useless! You just keep clicking, and you thumb the page up or down according to if you like it or not, then Stumble again! It's so cool! You should try it, just for kicks. I've found an enormous crapload of stuff I've loved, pictures I've saved, and projects I want to do. I've been having a ball! So, there's my advertising for the day, everyone get off my blog and scurry off to go check it out now!

. . .

You're still here. What are you waiting for?! Go!!!