Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Computer Games. Ugh.

Sammy has discovered, through the magic of the internet (yes, my 3 year old plays around on the internet), computer games. So far, she has discovered a Winnie the Pooh game and a Tangled game. Now, see, this is a problem for me. Because I am not a video/computer game girl. Like, at all. Want to know what computer games I play? Solitaire. Mahjong. Spider Solitaire. Purble Place if I'm feeling really crazy. The last time I played a video game, it was Halo. I spent the whole whopping half hour I played looking at the pretty scenery after getting lost and not being able to figure out where the crap I was. And the time before that? I spun around in circles firing my big gun before one of my team members shot me out of pure annoyance. And before that, let's see, there was a failed attempt at Super Mario Bros and before that . . . Battleship on Super Nintendo. Yeah.

Now Pete, on the other hand, he is a video/computer game guru. He plays Halo like he was the one that created the game, he's got almost as many computer and Xbox games as he does movies, and I don't think the guy could live if he didn't know that he had the option to play some kind of violent, shoot-em-up game somehow. I'm sure if he were home, we could figure this out.

You see, this is the point we keep getting stuck at: Pooh gets stuck on a cliff, and Flynn gets stuck on a rock. I don't know how to make the stupid things jump! The last time I played a computer game on a regular basis, I was six! Our game involved blocky boy and girl characters that roamed around collecting alphabet letters and buckets of pink goo to dump on the monsters that were after the book worm. And it took me a long time to master the jumping technique, which was pushing the up and right arrow buttons at the same time. I used to make my dad do that part. For a long time. We're talking years.

Anyway, if only Pete were here, he would not only get Flynn Rider to jump, but he would also find him a jet pack, win a lasso of Rapunzel's hair, earn 5 extra lives, and get a coupon for Starbucks. I kid you not! Winnie the Pooh would end up living in a honey tree with bees for servants, an all-you-can-eat honey buffet, and a Lamborghini. And I don't care if all of those things are available in the game or not, but Pete could probably do it.

This is such a problem. Because Sammy gets so frustrated and insistent when I tell her I can't do the game. She looks at me like I'm so stupid. Hey, kid, I could talk your ear off about a million things on this planet, most of which I know how to do, but I cannot do computer or video games. It's just not in my genetic makeup. I can do archery on the Wii, that's about it. And I recently figured out how to make the Xbox do Netflix, which I consider a major accomplishment. Other than that? You're SOL.

Now . . . if I could just figure out how to make Flynn Rider jump . . .