Thursday, December 9, 2010

I have thought of an idea for a great children's book. You know the one "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"? There should be one called "Mom and the Crazy, Psycho, Insane, Very Chaotic Day". I could be the main character. No, really. I have visible racoon circles under my eyes, I've been that crazy busy.

First of all, it is December (I know, shocker, huh?). Christmas happens in December, an unforgiving 5 weeks after Thanksgiving. And everyone else in the house gave one thought to the 17 billion boxes of Christmas decorations we had out in the shed and boycotted it. So I, me, my lone self, am solely responsible for getting the Christmas decorations up. Now, for Christmas we have several trees. We're talking 10 of them, and then one in my sister in law's room, and 2 little ones that are about 2 feet high. We have a lot of trees. I only put up 4 six-footers, one of the bitty ones, and one skinny four and a halfer. And of those, 3 are completely done, one has most of the ornaments on it, and 2 have just lights. I am not doing very well. Today and yesterday I finally put up the lights in our bedroom window and a string of them outside.

Second of all, that whole "Poor and Unknown" thing? I was not kidding about the poor part. It would take an entire month and a half's pay just to rent a 2 bedroom apartment, that's how poor we are. So, seeing as how it's December and Christmas is less than two and a half weeks away, I am facing a conundrum. I need Christmas presents for 15 people. I have one person done, one almost done, and one sorta done. That's it. *Slams head against wall* Do you have any idea how long it takes to make a homemade Christmas present? I don't either, but I can assure you it takes A FRIGGING LONG TIME!!! If I ever get ahold of Santa and there are no witnesses around, I am going to strangle him until his face matches his pretty red suit.

Thirdly, for some reason that I don't completely understand, I am being a nice person. I've been helping my mother in law get ready for my sister in law's wedding that she is freaking out about, helping my father in law with his second job as a janitor, helping my sister in law with what she needs, and helping myself to as much junk food as I can reach so I don't give in to the urge to sell my daughter on eBay and use the funds to go on vacation. Ok, so that part isn't very nice, but we are in the middle of a war zone involving potty training, an attitude problem bigger than the Soviet Union, and an addiction to chocolate milk and hot dogs. My three year old is lucky that I haven't run away from home.

And fourthly and finally, I hate ladders and folding laundry. No really. I do. Ladders hate me, they will find every excuse possible to try and tip me off to a very painful death. Or at least very painful bruises. Either way, I have never fallen off of one before, and I am just waiting for it. The revenge of the ladder. And I'm pretty sure laundry hates me too, and as soon as I put it in the hamper it multiplies like rabbits. And then when I put it in the washer and dryer, it does it again. And then again when it goes in the baskets to sit on the floor at the end of the bed until I fold it because I can't stand walking over and around them anymore.

So there's my tragic little story. Let's talk about you! Anyone? Anyone? Ok, fine. Well, now I'm off to do several things . . . possibly start a cross-stitched book mark, string mini sized candy bars on string to hang on my ceiling, or possibly write up a muse I had a great idea for when I was helping my father in law at work. Have a lovely day, enjoy your December, and if I manage to burn down my curtains over the headboard because the lights I put up on the window get really hot, I'll probably come crying to you sometime soon. Loves all!

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