Politically Uncorrect, and I like it.

I am going to be politically and culturally offensive here for a minute, are you ready? Judge me, I dare you.

Ok, here goes for some cultural offenses. I think that Robert Pattinson, the guy who plays Edward in the Twilight Series (never seen it, never read it) is one of the fugliest guys I have ever seen (thing ugly with a very meaningful F on the front). And Kristen Stewart, who plays Bella, constantly looks drugged, grumpy, and like she is so totally above everyone else. I can't stand either of them. I hated Robert Pattinson in Harry Potter, and his position has gotten worse on my Like List. However, kudos to whoever cast Taylor Lautner. I don't know if he can act, but through sheer gift of his genetics, he brought millions of people to watch those movies. He is very hot.

Another Twilight related culture offense. I cannot decide if I want to read or watch them. I don't like vampires, I don't like werewolves, I think the whole storyline is creepy. I like romances, but that kind of stuff sounds way too screwed up for me. And I have heard from several people that it's cheesy. I like some kinds of cheesy, but there is a point at which I lose complete respect when it ventures into that zone of cheesy that not even a desperate person would go to. I'm pretty sure I don't want to read it. Also, that fact that I was able to glean almost the entire plot simply from reading the absolutely RIDICULOUS number of flairs on Facebook was incredibly annoying. Anything that has that many crazed fans I am not interested in.

I'm now going to be politically offensive. I found out the other day that someone very close to me got an abortion last year. I wasn't exactly shocked, but I was still very, very sad. Abortion should be illegal except in cases where the baby will not live anyway or have life-threatening deformities, or in rape cases. That's it. When you get an abortion, you are not just taking an easy way out on your own screw up. You are murdering a person. You have no right to do that. It's not just an inanimate bit of tissue that you're removing, it's a living being. Shame on anyone who has ever done that. There is ALWAYS a better solution. You just didn't look hard enough. For the record, this person that I know that had the abortion regrets it. If she could go back and change it, she would in a heartbeat. She hates herself knowing that she did it. She can't even say the word abortion, she feels so horrible. Hindsight sure is a bugger.

Now I'm going to offend sports players, politicans, celebrities, and businessmen who make more than $50,000 a year. I think that for all of those people we should halve their salaries. Did you know that some athletes make more money in a single game than teachers, firemen, nurses, military servicemen, and police officers make in a whole year? Sometimes ten years? And politicians and celebrities are often the same. Celebrities spend more on an outfit that they will wear once than I spend in an entire year on groceries. That is sick. And some politicians, especially the high up ones like Senators and Presidents and offices like that get salaries and benefits that are often continued throughout their whole lives.

I am one of the thousands of uninsured Americans. My family of three, with both myself and my husband working part time earns about $600-$700 every month. One visit to the doctor is about $130, not including prescriptions. I know this because in the past 2 weeks we have had to go to the local Instacare three times, once for each of us. I had a virus that mimics strep throat, then an ear infection, and now a cold and I still have that ear infection and a very sore throat. We're going on three weeks with that now. My husband got everything I had except the cold, then he got pink eye. My daughter got the cold, the pink eye, and an ear infection. It was $75 for my husband and I just to see the doctor, then we had lab work for the strep cultures and two prescriptions for my husband (I didn't get anything, which is probably why I'm still sick). Luckily we're poor enough that our daughter is covered by Medicaid. Now wouldn't it be nice if we could take half of all the earnings of all of this country's filty rich people and funnel it into the bank accounts of people who need it?

Those politicians and businessmen who write speeches and plan projects wouldn't be able to without those teachers that taught them to read and write. Those athletes wouldn't be playing without the nurses that healed all of their injuries. Those celebrities would probably have a lot harder time if the police weren't there to assist with crowd control. And everyone would be in for a world of hurt without firemen and servicemen and every other public service employee that goes to work every day for a short wage, long hours, and little appreciation. Food for thought.

Ooh, I though of another culturally offensive pet peeve! This country is America. We speak English here. If you're gonna live here, learn the language. I totally know that learning a second language takes time, and I know people have to work to live. But if you can't speak English or your accent is too thick to be understood, do not take a job where you will be speaking. Fast food restaurants are out. If I can't understand a fricking word you are saying when I'm in the drive through, you should not be working there. And whoever hired you should be fired. I have absolutely no problem with immigration (as long as it's legal) but acclimate already, people! We're a melting pot of cultures, but we speak ENGLISH here. Learn it.

Did I offend anybody yet? I hope I at least made you think. You know, few things actually really piss me off, but I guess I'm just in a griping mood tonight. It's been a crappy day, I'll admit it. Except between 6 and 9 p.m., I was playing with my daughter then and we had fun. But the rest of the day pretty much sucked. I had to do an extra batch of laundry thanks to a leaky sippy cup, a dog that is not mine threw up ALL OVER my bedroom carpet, I'm still sick, and since I have been sick my check this week is going to suck. We have to buy two textbooks for my husband for school, we have two doctor bills to pay, and our phone bill. All with about $150. It's gonna be a great week.

My final thought: I finally have a firm grip on reality. Now I can STRANGLE IT!!! Have a nice day!

Marital Relationships

Just for the record, I am going to make an effort to keep this post reasonably short seeing as how it's 1:21 in the morning here and I need to get to bed. Just saying. If I actually succeed in this endeavor or not is entirely dependant upon whether or not the muses are smiling tonight. Which I almost hope they are, because I came up with a story idea a couple months ago and I've been piecing bits together, and I just found a way to join up A and C at work today.

Today the topic is marital relationships. Not relations, relationships. I would hope that you are not looking to my blog for advice on marital relations, although I could offer some very sound advice and wonderful bits of trivia. Anyway, marital relationships. I find that one thing in a relationship that always makes things better is when you can be completely immature with your spouse. This morning while I was still in my pajamas, my husband and daughter and even the dog all got on the bed and wrestled and tickled and giggled and wiggled and had all sorts of fun just lying all over each other and poking or tickling any exposed body parts. The dog was having a ball burrowing his head underneath whatever happened to be blocking him from our heads, and our daughter was having a ball blowing raspberries on any exposed skin. Before today, I was not aware of how ticklish my legs are right above my knees.

Then, later, after I got off work and hubby put baby to bed, we decided to have a little late night tryst. We have no money whatsoever until payday, but I have been squirreling money away over the past weeks and had $25. This is another helpful thing in relationships, when you can squirrel away some money that is unknown to the spouse every so often. Then when you are both suffering incredible hunger pangs and cravings for fattening fast food, you can satisfy the roaring beast. So anywho, we went to Dairy Queen and got fattening food and fattening ice cream, then went to find a secluded area for a little, ahem, private time.

I will only say one thing on this matter. When you are already a bit freaked out that you're going to get caught in a state of undress by a cop, it does not help to be parked on the other side of a farm. Because when you wake up the goat next door and he comes questing to find out what the crap is going on, it tends to startle. If I had been wearing clothes, I would have jumped out of them when that wretched creature bleated in dead silence not 20 feet away. That is all.

So, the point to this whole story is to, at least once in awhile, go a little crazy and do something unexpected. We haven't made out in a car like that since before we got married, and after we recovered from having the daylights scared out of us by a nosy goat, we had the most entertaining bout of the giggles that lasted all the way home. Keep the love alive, people! Do something stupid and sexy!

I think I'm coming to the end of my relationship advice for the evening. Or morning. Whatever. I have one last piece of advice: if they snore, learn to sleep through it. I realize this may pose a hazard when you become so talented at this that you sleep through a fire alarm (guilty) but nevertheless, it will save you much time and grief. There isn't a cure in this world that will make your darling beloved stop snoring miraculously. (A side-note: it also helps if your parents were both snorers. Having grown up with champion snorers, I am quite used to snoring. I can still sleep through loud noises just like I did when I was 9 and my parents marveled that I slept through 5 solid minutes of the fire alarm going off. I can sleep through just about anything. Just ask my husband. On second thought, don't. That's not a story I want to get out.)

And so, audience, I am going to try to go to bed now. My muse shall have to wait til tomorrow, because I don't think that after a 10 p.m. Dr. Pepper I'm going to get much sleepier and I must gather May roses while they bloom. Nighty night!