Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Marital Relationships

Just for the record, I am going to make an effort to keep this post reasonably short seeing as how it's 1:21 in the morning here and I need to get to bed. Just saying. If I actually succeed in this endeavor or not is entirely dependant upon whether or not the muses are smiling tonight. Which I almost hope they are, because I came up with a story idea a couple months ago and I've been piecing bits together, and I just found a way to join up A and C at work today.

Today the topic is marital relationships. Not relations, relationships. I would hope that you are not looking to my blog for advice on marital relations, although I could offer some very sound advice and wonderful bits of trivia. Anyway, marital relationships. I find that one thing in a relationship that always makes things better is when you can be completely immature with your spouse. This morning while I was still in my pajamas, my husband and daughter and even the dog all got on the bed and wrestled and tickled and giggled and wiggled and had all sorts of fun just lying all over each other and poking or tickling any exposed body parts. The dog was having a ball burrowing his head underneath whatever happened to be blocking him from our heads, and our daughter was having a ball blowing raspberries on any exposed skin. Before today, I was not aware of how ticklish my legs are right above my knees.

Then, later, after I got off work and hubby put baby to bed, we decided to have a little late night tryst. We have no money whatsoever until payday, but I have been squirreling money away over the past weeks and had $25. This is another helpful thing in relationships, when you can squirrel away some money that is unknown to the spouse every so often. Then when you are both suffering incredible hunger pangs and cravings for fattening fast food, you can satisfy the roaring beast. So anywho, we went to Dairy Queen and got fattening food and fattening ice cream, then went to find a secluded area for a little, ahem, private time.

I will only say one thing on this matter. When you are already a bit freaked out that you're going to get caught in a state of undress by a cop, it does not help to be parked on the other side of a farm. Because when you wake up the goat next door and he comes questing to find out what the crap is going on, it tends to startle. If I had been wearing clothes, I would have jumped out of them when that wretched creature bleated in dead silence not 20 feet away. That is all.

So, the point to this whole story is to, at least once in awhile, go a little crazy and do something unexpected. We haven't made out in a car like that since before we got married, and after we recovered from having the daylights scared out of us by a nosy goat, we had the most entertaining bout of the giggles that lasted all the way home. Keep the love alive, people! Do something stupid and sexy!

I think I'm coming to the end of my relationship advice for the evening. Or morning. Whatever. I have one last piece of advice: if they snore, learn to sleep through it. I realize this may pose a hazard when you become so talented at this that you sleep through a fire alarm (guilty) but nevertheless, it will save you much time and grief. There isn't a cure in this world that will make your darling beloved stop snoring miraculously. (A side-note: it also helps if your parents were both snorers. Having grown up with champion snorers, I am quite used to snoring. I can still sleep through loud noises just like I did when I was 9 and my parents marveled that I slept through 5 solid minutes of the fire alarm going off. I can sleep through just about anything. Just ask my husband. On second thought, don't. That's not a story I want to get out.)

And so, audience, I am going to try to go to bed now. My muse shall have to wait til tomorrow, because I don't think that after a 10 p.m. Dr. Pepper I'm going to get much sleepier and I must gather May roses while they bloom. Nighty night!

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